Even the strongest elephant can need a bit of help with their mental health

Well dang, I honestly can't make this stuff up!  I went to the local gas station like I do every week.  The cashier and I have been chatting casually about life for a few years.  She has recently gone through a rather rough break up, but today she looked and sounded more chipper than she has in months. So, of course, I had to ask her what's up.  And, she has been talking to a new guy.  She said he is awesome, and she is happier than she has been in a long time.  And, then came the drop out of nowhere.  She laughed and said, "You know I have always dated younger guys.  This one is older, and he is gonna have to get some pills to keep up with me." 

Mic drop,  Rather, mouth drop.  She asked, "Whaaat?!" So, I told her about what I have been working on and looking into about trunks. and said I had some questions for her.  She was more than willing to share. Apparently her guy is a little bit older.  She is 48 and he is 57.  He looks like he is in great shape (and has fabulous abs) as he works a construction job daily. We talked a lot more, and I asked questions about what exactly is the ED experience.  I also questioned her about other possible health concerns he may have. 

She said he doesn't take any medications and probably hadn't been to a doc in a while.  So, she didn't really know if he could have other underlying health conditions.  He smokes cigarettes and weed daily and drinks alcohol a few times a week.  The issue really wasn't his ability to get his trunk to stand at attention.  The main problem was keeping it there.  So I asked about emotional/psychological issues.  The guy is a veteran and his last relationship plummeted after 16 years when his gal had an affair.  And, he hasn't been in a relationship in a few years.

In the past it was thought that ED was mainly psychological.  But more recent research has shown that underlying health issues: Cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure and diabetes are the leading causes.  I didn't want to play doctor, but I couldn't resist giving a few tips (punny?!). Did you know that in order to determine if the cause of ED is psychological, a patient can do a nocturnal erection test? It can be done in a sleep lab or at home.  Patients are given a device to place around their trunk before they go to sleep.  It measures their erections.  A more simple test is a plastic ring placed around the trunk that will break if an erection occurs.   According to Healthline, the average man experiences 3-5 erections during a nightly sleep cycle.  If they are experiencing erections during the test it is highly likely the causes are emotional.  If they aren't, then the causes would be physical and more testing is needed.  We will cover that more in our future articles.

My friendly cashier said she might just do the nocturnal study herself.  I laughed and said give it a go.  This isn't medical advice, but hey, it wouldn't cause any harm.  I did let her know that she could check out the blog and get a questionnaire on sexual health in men (SHIM).  This one is from The University of Iowa Health Care. A good physical exam from a doc is a good idea- but she doesn't know if he will go (this is common in men).  However, if she does the nocturnal study and sees the ol' trunk standing at attention at least she knows it is more likely emotional and he has a place to start.  

If the problem is emotional, then the most common factors are going to be:

• stress/anxiety- when a man is feeling stressed or anxious, becoming aroused can be challenging
• performance anxiety- if a partner is worried about sexual performance this can lead to anxiety, which affect the abilty to have and maintain an erection
• depression- this can cause a lack of interest in sex. Further, it can make it hard to connect with others, even in sexual relationships
• guilt- feelings of guilt about affairs, relationships after divorce or death, and other issues can lead to inability to perform sexually
• low self esteem- this can be related to a man's overall feelings about his worth, whether it's his job, body, sexual performance, or other factors.
• cultural or religious beliefs- a person's attitude towards sex is absolutely impacted by these factors
• relationship concerns- when there are conflicts in a relationship this can create distance and disconnect in partners
• past trauma- although not talked about enough, men with a history of sexual abuse or trauma can cause an emotional response during sex

These psychological factors can often work in a vicious cycle.  Anxiety may precede ED and create problems, or a person experiencing ED may develop anxiety or depression as a result.  

The big takeaway here is to address any of the mental health concerns above.  Self medicating stress, anxiety, depression or any of the other symptoms with drugs and alcohol could just escalate the problem.  Talking with a mental health therapist would be a good place to start. I can almost feel the resistance exuding from you from here.  I know that many men have an aversion to therapy.  Our societal norms have traditionally made men feel like they are less "manly" and there is a huge psychological block in many men that prohibit them from asking for help.  So, this is what I have to say to you about that: a man that recognizes he has a problem and does whatever he can to fix it is Manning Up in the most sexy, manly way possible.  Now, if you don't have the money or time (other common objections to seeing a therapist) talking openly with a trusted friend or partner would be a place to start.  But keep in mind they are not going to have the skills nor the objectivity to get you the best results.

Women talk often about needing friends, having support, sharing their feelings, blah, blah.  This is good, and I am always glad to see them reaching out to each other.  But, I really often feel that men need be be encouraged even more to seek out their pack.  Men get bogged down with the job, partner, kids, house, cars, etc. and their other relationships often take a back seat.  We all need to be able to share and talk openly with others, to connect with one another, get advice and problem solve in constructive, supportive ways.